Cookies!

This the first of what could be many posts about someone who impacted my life more than I ever hoped they would.

I hope I've done enough explaining about missionaries at this point that I can simply say, this friend was one of my companions for three months (or two transfer cycles [or 12 weeks {or 84 long days}]) Only one companion of mine ever demanded an "ET" or "Emergency Transfer" meaning that there were such serious conflicts between the two of us that they couldn't be resolved and we had to switch it up. This is that story.

We'd come home from eating dinner with a nice, though someone unstable old man who I'll call Steve McLaughlin. Steve is a story for another time, because like all guys called 'Steve' he's a ball of fun. Anyway, we'd eaten with Steve and we had something of his that we'd borrowed so when he dropped us off at our apartment, I grabbed it and headed back out to give it to him. When I came back, my companion was nowhere to be found. After a brief search, I discovered that he was in the bathroom. So I sat down and started to read. After a while of reading, I realized he was taking a rather long time, so I went to knock on the door when I heard him talking to someone. I was very confused by this turn of events, so I listened. I realized rather quickly that whoever he was talking to was getting an earful about some jerk who was a control freak, didn't listen and hated my companion, who, for this story I'll just call Teddy.

Turns out, Teddy thought that control freak was me. Uh oh.

My first response was surprise because though he wasn't my best friend, he was also not someone I abhorred to be with... yet. So I walked back to the couch, but could now hear him more clearly. I listened with gritted teeth for a few minutes. After a while of more slander being laid out there, and this had taken at least 15-20 minutes, I finally just yelled, "If you have such a big problem, why don't you come out here and talk to me about it?"

This was followed by silence and then, "Elder Savage has been eavesdropping! See what a bad person he is!"

Right Teddy. You're talking angrily on the phone in the bathroom in a small apartment with hardwood floors that create echoes. Yep. I'm the bad guy here.

So anyway, he comes out and hands me the phone (didn't even flush. I mean come on man!) and I am told by a friend of mine on the other end of the phone, "Listen, I know you're upset, but just keep your mouth closed and we'll get this figured out."

So I do as I'm told. I just live with it. In quiet fury. Plotting his untimely demise.

That phone call ends and there's about ten minutes of silence. I mean how are you supposed to do anything (much less when the 'thing' you're supposed to do is teach people how to have peace in their homes and lives) when that just happened?

Then the phone rings again. Teddy answers, but it's for me.

It's PJ. The Man. President Jensen. The person who takes care of all of the missionaries  Someone we love deeply and are dreadfully afraid of all at once. He takes ten seconds and says, "Hi. Sorry about all of this. I thought this would work, and I was wrong. You're too intense for him. You'll have a new companion in the morning. Please give the phone back to --" and I just handed him the phone.

Now, one of the things that I take a little pride in is that I work well with other people. My mom taught me to play nice. I happen to have many great friends you can read about. I am a talker, and a decent listener. So why this? Why now? I felt like I'd failed. I recognized this friend of mine could be somewhat more sensitive than my other friends (as I write about him again, and again you'll get more of this) and I thought I'd done a good job. I hadn't. This was day 4 of us being together. His birthday, a weekend, and now Monday night. Yuck.

Then came the worst part. As he started packing his bags, and trying to suppress smiles of having won he came over to where I was and started telling me things like, "You're a good guy, we're just different people." or "I'm really excited for you, this will be a good opportunity for both of us." and "Maybe this is what God had planned, you know? He works in mysterious ways." And even "Listen. It's not your fault you're a horrible person, I'm just better than you and deserve to get as far away from you as possible. Or maybe I'm just a big whiner, and annoying and you're lucky to be rid of me because I'm crazy, but probably you're just the devil incarnate and no one will ever love you and you should just go die."

... you know, or something like that. My memory is a little fuzzy on the details. Either way, I felt very talked down to by someone who had just crapped all over me. So, I did the only thing I could think to do.

I walked into the kitchen, pulled out a large knife and stabbed him repeatedly in the chest until he couldn't scream any more.

No wait, sorry, that's what I wanted to do. Here's what really happened.

I walked into the kitchen pulled out a large knife, slit him across the throat and skipped away as he fell to his death... no, sorry, that was the red velvet cupcake incident. We'll get to that one.

I walked into the kitchen, pulled out a jar of M&M cookie mix that happened to be in there and fired up the oven. As he continued to go between talking down to me and sorting his clothes back into his suitcase I pulled out butter, milk, whatever ingredient went into the cookies, mixed and baked and did exactly what my mother would have had me do. I pulled those cookies right out of the oven, and they were perfect. Soft, warm, and would have melted right in your mouth. He was in the kitchen talking to me as this happened, perhaps hoping to steal one of my precious cookies. I placed them carefully on a plate and made sure he didn't get to steal one of them. I handed the whole plate to him.

He was confused by this.

"What is this for?"

"Eating, generally."

"For me?"

"Yes, for you Teddy."

"Why?"

I told him the truth. It was because I didn't hate him. I told him I was sad things weren't going to work out, and that we hadn't really given it a fair shake, but that I understood his decision and hoped him to have the best of luck. He was once again very quiet after this. Though he did take my cookies.

So I sat down and read some more and he sat and nibbled on cookies. After a few minutes he looked at me and said, "Do you think we could make this companionship work?"

"Teddy," I responded, "With the Lord's help I can make anything work."

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. We ended up staying together twenty one times longer! Our days were just as crazy. There were other attempts to get an ET, but he was rejected on the grounds that I make fabulous cookies from there on out. This man, though it may not seem like it now, would deeply move me and humble me in ways I couldn't imagine, and to this day, I'm very grateful we happened to have a jar of M&M cookie mix in our cupboard.

And not many sharp knives.